Them Slips, Them Falls
by Noraque
Summary: A chapter from one of my longer fics. The team finds themselves in an embarassing situation while chasing a criminal on the Citadel. Crack fic. One shot. Please read and review!


"Goddamn it! He ran down the alley! Garrus, Jack, Tali- take the north path and cut him off! Miranda, Mordin, Thane- the west path! Don't let him double back! Jacob, Grunt, Legion, Samara- the east! Block him in from all sides! I'll continue the chase down the south path! Go, go, go!"

Shepard barked out the order to her team as the squad, weapons drawn, took off down their designated paths after Bavon Kalariot, a turian arms dealer they had tracked to the Taeseri Wards of the Citadel, and were now in hot pursuit of the criminal in an isolated part of the wards to ensure he didn't get away. Shepard continued the pursuit while hoping her team would be able to surround him before he got into a more open area. Twelve pairs of boots radiated throughout the corridors as they raced through to try to catch him.

Pretty soon, Bavon found himself in surrounded in an intersection with nowhere to escape to other than a wide side street, which he made a break for despite the fact that there were numerous side passages in it that anyone could ambush him from and the ground seemed to be covered with a mysterious clear slippery liquid substance. Shepard, sensing what could possibly happen, bolted down a parallel street to try to cut him off at the other side.

Just then, a multitude of similar comedic incidents happened at the same time; from right in front of Bavon, the team of Garrus, Jack and Tali, who were all running right next to each other, stepped on the mysterious liquid on the floor and went slipping with a series of _crashes_ to the ground.

"Whoa!"

"Holy fuck!"

"Keelah!"

From the left path leading into the alley appeared Miranda, Mordin and Thane, who not seeing the state of the floor raced out to intercept Bavon, only to go feet up in the air, crashed back down and then slid magnificently across the tile.

"Crikey!"

"Floor unstable!"

"By Arashu!"

At the same time the right path expelled Jacob, Grunt, Samara and Legion, who all raced to tackle the man who had incapacitated their teammates, only to miss the conveniently near-invisible substance that was spread right across where they were entering.

"Son of a bitch!"

"HOOARRGGGHHH!"

"By the Goddess!"

"Alert! Platform destabilizing!"

Bavon looked around at the ten incapacitated teammates in amazement before racing forward towards the end of the alley to take advantage of his pure luck. However, just as he was stepping out the exit a leg shot across his shins, sending the turian flying face-first into the tile floor. Shepard restrained Bavon before hauling him to his feet. When she looked back, she saw in astonishment that all ten members of her shore party were lying on their backs, groaning in very apparent discomfort.

"I think there might have been some liquid on the ground." Garrus managed to spit out weakly, the fall having knocked all the air out of his lungs.

"Oh really, Vakarian?" Jack's winded, sarcastic voice responded. "Shit, I would never have noticed."

"It is probably an accident left behind by a careless maintenance crew." Tali gasped.

"Doesn't the Citadel staff know the importance of proper maintenance?" Miranda managed to force out.

"Unlikely- would have cleaned up hazardous oil spill if that were true." Mordin took several deep breaths.

"It seems that for once in my life I failed to properly examine the area for possible hazards. I should have been more careful." Thane made a gallant effort to sit up before crashing back down onto the ground.

"What?" Jacob laughed weakly. "And miss all the fun of slipping and falling on our asses?"

"Hey, I'd like to see you land on your back when you've got a massive hump on it!" Grunt let out a growl that sounded a lot more like a gasp.

"It probably would have been wiser to just use biotics to restrain the subject instead of pursuing on foot. This may have been someone's idea of a ridiculous practical joke." Samara took a huge breath of air.

"We do not understand the rational behind organics' ideas of 'jokes' of this nature, Samara-Justicar." Legion sounded as synthetic as ever. "Particularly if it interferes with critical missions."

"Well, I see you're all enjoying a bit of R&R." Shepard teased with a smirk on her face as she walked carefully up towards them, holding the restrained Bavon.

"Oh, you know- same old, same old, Shepard." Garrus pulled himself into a sitting position, which took considerable effort. "Getting knocked on our asses every time we turn around- just like old times."

Shepard smirked again. Bavon struggled in her grasp, prompting her to cuff him on the side of the head to keep him still.

"Well, make sure you don't get used too used to it." She replied. "We have to transport him all the way back to C-Sec, and I don't want to have to chase him all the way back down here again. Although," she said thoughtfully as she pushed the prisoner down along the corridor, "I really wish I'd seen the fascination you seem to all have with the floor."

Jack propped herself on her elbows. "Good luck, commander. You ain't ever going to see me on my back again unless I say so."

The shore party members slowly and painfully got to there feet. Trying to walk as dignified as they could- or in their case, like the biggest badasses in the galaxy that they should be- they followed the commander out. Except this time they made sure to watch where they stepped.

"And remind me to talk to Bailey about where C-Sec allows the maintenance team to dump the illegal 'enhanced sex performance' drugs they seize." Shepard called casually behind her.

**A/N: Please review and give me feedback!**


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